Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Parenting with Love & Logic

From the minute I found out I was pregnant I began researching... researching what? Everything. Anything! It became a compulsion for me to make sure I had researched every.single.detail. I slowly drove myself insane. It's taken me 3 years to really knock that off... 3 years of reading nearly every parenting book known to man, every Consumer Reports guide on car seat safety, and every book that would help me figure out how to get Deacon to sleep. There are many books and reports that I've enjoyed, but very rarely do I ever fall in love with a book... up to now there are only 3 books that I *love* with all my being (and would probably tackle the author and shower him with kisses and hugs if we ever met)- Happiest Baby on the Block; Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby & (my all time sanity/life saver) Solving Your Child's Sleep Problems. There are clearly others that I've really enjoyed over the years, but those 3 (until now) are the best (in my not so humble opinion).

I now have a new book I am recommending to everyone who will listen- Parenting With Love And Logic (Updated and Expanded Edition). This book has been absolutely amazing in helping Damien and I as parents... yes, even Damien read the book- that's how good it was. The authors advocate allowing your child to make logical choices and receive logical consequences for their own actions. No punishments, no spanking- just consequences- logical, natural consequences.

One of the first things Damien and I wanted to tackle was the fact that Deacon consistently had temper tantrums at night when it came time to turn off the t.v., get dressed, brush teeth and go potty... after he does these things he goes in his room and we read stories. Without fail, there would be a fit when his show was over and it was time to start the next process. Parenting with L&L suggests offering the child choices to let him feel as though he's still in control- or has some control. As adults, we don't like being told what to do- and kids certainly don't either... especially from bossy adults. So a few weeks ago we started the L&L approach- we gave him choices (do you want to do teeth brushing or potty first? do you want this tooth paste or that tooth paste? etc...) There are plenty of times when he doesn't choose either option, and that's when we choose for him and move on... BUT, when we first started he was so blown away that we actually cared about what he thought that the temper tantrum stopped immediately- and he made choices. He quickly learned each night that he does have choices in the matter... and sure, we still have our bad nights- but those are fewer and far between... and our bad nights are nothing in comparison to how they used to be.


Samantha said...

I first learned about Love and Logic when I was in an education methods class in college - it's fabulous. And works great on most kids. Glad you found out about it!

I have even used the techniques on Ben.... :)

Theresa said...

This has got to be the cutest picture ever! You should enter it into a contest!!! Hmmm.. I should read that book!

Maddy said...

I am going to check out the book. I've heard about it and I also think that there are classes offered based around this book (maybe?). With our three girls choices is the BIIIIIIIIGGGGG thing in our house. And if they just sit there and give us a blank stare I usually follow it up with, "You can make the choice for yourself, but if you do not give me an answer then I will choose for you; and I do not think you will like what Mommy chooses." and they immediately make their own mind up. It's awesome to watch their expressions when they feel they have so much power. There is a great quote that I think you will love: "It's okay to be kind to our children. It's okay to give them a feeling of abundance. Knowing that their own needs and wants are valued will only make them want to help others to meet their needs and wants too. Kindness begets kindness" -Rue Kream

T- said...

I'll have to find that book. It sounds practical. Thanks!

Oh, and I left you something on my blog!